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‘Nose to Nose’
by
continued
“Maybe because you only got one kid,
it’s different. Mama has two girls. I’m
extra,” she said earnestly. “But Mama was really
mad. She had to punish me. I won’t do it again.”
She picked up her fork and carefully approached her plate of
macaroni. She ate deliberately, not dripping or spilling or
even smudging food on her lips. A neat eater. Rick
couldn’t help wondering what the punishment had been, but
didn’t want to ask, not really wanting to know given the
yelling he often heard from their apartment.
After dinner, Rick and Ellen sat in the
living room while Susana and Brian colored at the coffee table.
Rick held Ellen’s hand, stroking her fingers while they
watched the news. Nothing interested him tonight. Usually he
argued with the newscasters or commented on the conditions of
the world, but tonight, he didn’t care about the world
out there. He only cared about the world inside this room,
Ellen, Brian, and him. That was it. The evening passed with
them listening to Susana tell tall tales to Brian who loved
every one of them. Rick couldn’t shake the feeling of
impending doom. He was turning over in his mind all the
possibilities for their survival as a family if he lost Ellen.
He was not usually a morbid man, but this was an exceptional
circumstance. His life would end. He just didn’t know how
long it would take him to actually lay down and die from
loneliness, from having his heart cut out.
The night sounds never kept Rick from a
good night’s sleep. But tonight, he heard everything from
the rustling of the leaves outside to the settling of the
floorboards and the breathing of his wife. Every noise was an
assault, an invasion on his ability to climb inside sleep for
protection. At 1:00 am, he finally got up and went into the
kitchen. Ellen usually kept brownies or cookies in a tin on top
of the refrigerator. He brought down the silver tin, took out a
brownie, and poured a glass of milk. He heard a new sound now.
A kind of whimpering. He went down the hall and entered
Brian’s room. He could see his son standing next to his
bed, yanking the sheets off.
“Brian, what’s up?” he
asked.
“Where’s Ma?” Brian
continued to yank on the sheets without untucking them.
“Ma’s sleeping, I’m
here.” Rick could see now that Brian had wet his bed and
was shivering, his pajamas dark and clinging to his legs.
“I wet my bed. I want new
sheets.” Brian and Rick continued to strip the bed
together. Rick wondered how often this happened. He’d
never been awakened when Brian needed anything. He was always
Ellen’s responsibility. After all, Rick had to get up to
go to work in the mornings.
“Do you wet the bed a lot,
Brian?”
“No.” Brian was now stepping
out of his wet pajamas. “I want a bath.”
“Why don’t we take a shower.
It’d be quicker.”
“No. I don’t want to.”
Brian sounded frantic. Rick let it go.
Rick took the wet pajamas and sheets and
led his son down the hall to the bathroom. They tiptoed past
the master bedroom so’s not to awaken Ellen. Rick placed
the wet sheets on the floor in the corner of the bathroom and
ran the water. With the lights on and Brian sitting naked on
the edge of the tub, Rick tried to avoid looking at his
son’s adult body. Brian’s testicles and penis were
fully developed as were the muscles on his arms and hard,
defined chest. It occurred to Rick that Ellen must shave his
twenty-two year old son in the mornings and that he must use
deodorant. All the usual tasks that men do for themselves,
Ellen must do for him.
As soon as the tub was filled, he beckoned
Brian.
“Why don’t you take a shower,
Brian?”
“No. I tried to. I fell down. I want
a bath.” Brian soaped up his legs and arms, forgetting
the rest of his body. Rick lathered up the facecloth and handed
it to Brian. “Do your…crotch.” He said. Brian
shook his head. Rick didn’t want to press the issue so he
pulled the plug and let the water run out while he helped Brian
towel off. What would happen to Brian if Ellen died? Could Rick
deal with all the stuff that Ellen did for their son?
They went down the hall with Brian wrapped
in a towel. Once in the bedroom, Brian found clean pajamas, and
Rick remade the bed with Star Wars sheets from the linen
closet. Brian’s bed had a plastic liner on it, which Rick
wiped down with a disinfectant spray and a sponge. this was not
the first time that Brian had wet the bed, but this was the
first time that Rick had to deal with it. What else was he
missing? What was the rest of Brian and Ellen’s life
like?
Brian climbed into his freshly outfitted
bed and snuggled up to a stuffed koala bear. Rick watched him
curl his body around this bear, tuck a hand between his knees
and happily shut his eyes. “‘Night, Daddy,”
he said as he went off to sleep. Rick leaned over and kissed
Brian on top of his head.
“Night, son.” Turning off the
light, Rick made his way back into the kitchen and put his
snack plate into the sink. He looked around the room as if
regaining his sight after a great catastrophe. Imagining what
would have changed. But there was no big storm, no flood, no
tornado, no death or loss. Outwardly nothing had changed at
all. Rick flicked off the light switch and went back to his own
bedroom.
“Hmmm. Why you up?” Ellen
mumbled at him as he rolled over against her.
“Brian wet his bed.” Rick
nuzzled the back of her neck.
“Oh,” she started to rise.
“Don’t get up. I took care of
it. Bath and everything.”
Ellen turned to look at him. “You did
it?”
“Yeah,” said Rick with a bit of
pride.
“I like this.” Ellen rolled
over to spoon her husband.
“What? The snuggling or my taking
care of Brian?”
“Hmm. I think both.”
“I always think of him as a little
boy. He’s not.”
“He’s been a man for years
now,” she whispered. “I’m surprised you
hadn’t noticed.”
Ellen shifted to look at Rick. “He
worries about things as much as you do. He watches you to see
how you’ll react to what he does. You are very important
to him.”
“He’s important to me
too.” Rick felt a great pressure relieved as he spoke.
“I know you’ve always wanted
more children. Normal sons. But this is all we’ve got. I
always wished it could be enough for you.”
Rick was astonished at how well she knew
him. He thought that he could keep his emotions and reactions
to himself. She knew his every thought even before he thought
it.
“I love Brian,” he said.
”And yes, I always wanted more kids, but for you not for
me. I could be happy with just you and me.”
“But we got Brian, and I
wouldn’t change my life in any way.” She yawned and
squirmed further against Rick.
“Neither would I.” He yawned
and wraped his arms around his wife, sharing his warmth and her
lie.
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