by

Christopher Woods

 

     

SETTING:   An interfaith chapel in the basement of a hospital. The set should be simple. One pew. A table with candles. Most important is a chair, rather like a throne, where IRENE likes to roost.

TIME:   The present Age of zealotry.

CAST -

IRENE GOODWORTH - An older woman, she is the administrator of the The Goodworth Chapel. She is looking for her successor. She is weary, but her zeal is still without bounds. She wears a hostess robe and a glittering tiara.

MARIA PEREZ - A young Hispanic woman. She comes to apply for the job of new chapel administrator. Shy and sincere, she can also be manipulative if need be. She wears a candy-striper uniform.

NOTE:   The rituals performed in THE WONDERBREAD PASSION are based on those practiced by a religious group in northeastern Wyoming.

AT RISE -
It is morning. IRENE enters to open the chapel for the day. She lights a candle and dusts the pew with great devotion. There is the sound of traditional church organ music in the background. IRENE also polishes her throne chair. Then, perhaps fatigued by all this, she retires to the throne chair to rest. Listening to the music, she nods off. She does not notice a young Hispanic woman enter. After a few moments, MARIA stamps her foot, waking IRENE.

MARIA
Excuse me, please.

IRENE
(wakes, dazed) Hello?

MARIA
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

IRENE
(robotic) The Goodworth Chapel is dedicated in loving memory of Isabel Jenkins Goodworth by her daughter, Irene Jenkins Goodworth.

MARIA
Forgive me, but is this the hospital chapel?

IRENE
What is it?

MARIA
The chapel? Of St. Bartholomew's Hospital?

IRENE
One moment, please.

(IRENE descends from her throne and flips a switch to silence the music)

IRENE (con't.)
Lovely as it sounds, the music plays havoc with my hearing. (slight pause) Now, may I help you?

MARIA
(timid) I'm looking for the hospital chapel.

IRENE
This is The Goodworth Chapel.

MARIA
Is see. But is there another chapel? Is this the only one?

IRENE
I'm certain there are many more. Personally, I am only concerned with this one. I don't get out much, you see.

MARIA
I mean, is there another chapel in this hospital?

IRENE
(accusatory) Why do you ask? Is this chapel not glorious enough for you?

MARIA
(Taken back) Why, it's a lovely chapel. I...

(Flustered, she genuflects)

IRENE
I should say it is. Lovely. (beat) So, a Catholic, are you?

MARIA
Is it so obvious?

IRENE
I have no problem with it, your being Catholic. I really don't. If you stay within your bounds. The Goodworth Chapel is an interfaith center. A have for patients and their families.

MARIA
Then I am in the right place. I was sent here by the personnel office. I want to replace the chapel administrator.

IRENE
(staring at MARIA, then stalking her, circling her) I see. I had hoped they might have come up with someone less ethnic. (Beat) Well, no matter. I am Irene Goodworth, chapel administrator.

MARIA
(with a half-genuflection) And I am Maria Perez.

(MARIA extends her hand, which is ignored by IRENE)

IRENE
If you have come to apply for my position, then we should begin at once. We may have worshippers here at any moment. (Directly to MARIA) And we never, ever disturb worshippers.   Is that clear?

MARIA
Very.

IRENE
Good.

(IRENE assumes her position on the throne, then motions for MARIA to have a seat on the floor beside her)

MARIA
Thank you.

(After a quarter-genuflection, MARIA sits down on the floor to the left of IRENE.)

IRENE
On my right side, please.

(MARIA crawls to the correct position)

IRENE (con't.)
Much better. (beat) Now, tell me about yourself. Seeing you this close, you can understand why I need to ask you about your family. About your heritage, in fact. The hospital can certainly offer applicants, but I assure you, the decision about my replacement is entirely up to me. Is that understood?

MARIA
I think so.

IRENE
By the way, you do know that this chapel is a memorial to my late mother?

MARIA
Why no, I didn't. It's so dark, and awesome. I've never seen anything quite like it. It's grand, that's what it is.

IRENE
Yes, it is, isn't it? Grand? It's my design, of course.

MARIA
I'm very impressed.

IRENE
(back to business) Now, tell me about your family. Specifically, I need to know if they come from Mexico. I hope this doesn't sound arrogant, but I cannot imagine the offspring of illegal aliens assuming my position here.

MARIA
You have nothing to worry about, I assure you.

IRENE
No?

MARIA
(brightly) My parents come from Santa Fe. My grandparents came from Barcelona. Why, the only time I've been in Mexico was on vacation.

IRENE
That had better be the truth, young lady.

MARIA
It is.

(MARIA makes the sign of the cross, which makes IRENE shudder)

IRENE
Please, none of that papist business in my chapel. This is, like I said, an interfaith center.

MARIA
I mean no harm. Really I don't. (Presents papers) I do have the necessary documents to certify my American heritage.

IRENE
(impressed, she takes the papers) That's very intelligent, knowing to carry your papers. You'd be surprised how many people go about paperless.

(IRENE studies the papers)

IRENE (con't.)
Good. I see that everything is in order.

(MARIA reaches for the papers, but IRENE puts them in a pocket)

IRENE (con't.)
Naturally, I shall have them verified by the proper authorities. A mere formality. (beat) I don't know why, but I almost believe you.

MARIA
Why, thank you.

(Begins to make the sign of the cross again)

IRENE
(harshly) No more of that! Didn't you hear me?

MARIA
(dropping her hands to her lap) Forgive me.

IRENE
I'll consider it. (beat) Now, young woman, tell me about that costume you're wearing. You look like a peppermint stick.

MARIA
(arranges dress with pride) This is my candy-striper uniform. I wear it upstairs, in the hospital, when I'm working.

IRENE
I see. Are you on the bedpan brigade?

MARIA
(on her knees, imploring) Oh, I know it isn't the most important job in the hospital. But I want to do good. You must believe me.

(She reaches for IRENE'S hand and tries to kiss it. IRENE jerks it free)

IRENE
My dear!

MARIA
(half-standing, she approaches the throne) I want to be the new chapel administrator. I really do. I want it so bad! Being a candy-striper is good training. But to take your place, that's my dream!

IRENE
(IRENE pushes MARIA to the floor roughly) You silly little girl. No one can assume my position so easily. It takes time to become a good administrator. It was difficult, even for me, in the beginning. For you, for your kind, it will take a lot of time and effort. Maybe too much.

MARIA
I want to be worthy.

IRENE
(impressed by the humility) Yes, I understand. Tell me, Marisella. Are you a good candy-striper?

MARIA
(smiling) The very best, for two years now. No matter what, I always smile. it isn't always easy, to keep smiling. Why, when a patient dies, it's very difficult to keep smiling. But I do.

IRENE
Then you put your best effort into it. That's a good sign. (beat) Tell me, do your superiors have you take care of your own kind? Your own color? What I mean is this. Are you also allowed to care for whites and blacks. Jews?

MARIA
In the beginning, it was only Mexican-Americans. Then, when my superiors saw how dedicated I was, they let me care for the others too. (beat) Don't you think that caring is a universal language, Miss Goodworth?

IRENE
Not as much as pain, my dear. Tell me, Marisella...

MARIA
Maria. It's Maria, Miss Goodworth.

IRENE
Oh? Maria, then. (slight pause) Now, where was I? Oh yes. Tell me Marisella, do you know pain? Do you understand its nature? You are so young.

MARIA
Oh yes, I've known pain.

IRENE
(delighted) Have you?

MARIA
I've seen so much pain upstairs in the hospital. But I have also known it personally. Not the hospital kind of pain. But still, it was pain.

IRENE
(brightly) You must tell me about it!

MARIA
On the night of my senior prom, my date didn't show up. He was to come at seven o'clock. At seven-thirty, my father told me the boy wasn't coming. At seven-forty five, my mother made me take off my dress. She said it would wrinkle. Or that it might stain because of my tears. Then, at nine o'clock, my father offered to take me to the prom himself. But I said no. (Chokes back tears) By then it didn't matter. Later on, I found out that my date had taken another boy to the prom. Something about minority rights, but to be honest, I never understood it. Wasn't I alone? Wasn't I the smallest minority of all? To this day my prom gown is packed in mothballs.

IRENE
(nonplussed) That's all? That is the extent of the pain you've known?

MARIA
(tearfully) It hurts to talk about it even now.

IRENE
It's a sad story, but I'm not sure it has anything to do with our duties here in The Goodworth Chapel. A dateless prom is one thing, dear. But real pain is another matter entirely. You must understand real pain, child. It's better to learn it while you're still young.

(IRENE reaches down and pinches MARIA on the arm)

MARIA
(surprised and hurt) Ouch!

IRENE
Sometimes it feels like that, but pain has so very many disguises.

(She removes a compact and powders her face)

IRENE (con't.)
I myself suffer the inconvenience of an aggravated T-zone.

MARIA
Oh.

IRENE
But I don't wallow in self-pity, I assure you. (slight pause) For now, I must teach you more about the chapel. You need to know its history.

(They stand, MARIA following IRENE downstage)

IRENE (con't.)
Let's begin with the inscribed wall over there. Can you read what it says? (beat) It is in English.

MARIA
(rolls her eyes) I think so.

IRENE
Yes? Then read it. Aloud.

MARIA
(squinting)“The Goodworth Chapel is dedicated in loving memory ofIsabel Jenkins Goodworth by her daughter, Irene Jenkins Goodworth.” That's very nice.

IRENE
Why shouldn't it be? I wrote it myself. (beat) But it says nothing of the time, the years, I have spent in this chapel. I have dedicated by life to the memory of my mother. And to all the suffering people who look to St. Bartholomew for help. (beat) You do know St. Bartholomew, don't you?

MARIA
(unsure) Why, I...

IRENE
(a little agitated) Isn't his name familiar to you? Aren't you a Catholic? He's one of your saints.

MARIA
To be honest, Miss Goodworth, there are so many saints. it's hard to know them all. Besides, once you learn their names, the pope is likely to toss them out. Maybe they go out of style. I don't know who's in, or out, at this point.

IRENE
(condescending) Then allow me to reacquaint you. St. Bartholomew was a martyr for your Church. The one that can't decide who's in vogue or not? (beat) Do you know how St. Bartholomew died? Do you?

MARIA
No, I...

IRENE
Then it is time you learned, young lady. The poor man was flayed alive. Skinned. Like a rabbit, my dear, no less than that. Like a common rabbit.

MARIA
(playing along) Maybe I do remember.

IRENE
As well you should. (slight pause) So, it only made sense to name this very special hospital in his honor. This is the only hospital in America that specializes in combination-skin disorders. Oh, it is often overlooked. Most people are more concerned with cancer. Heart disease. But here, at St. Bart's, we are making a stand. And I might as well tell you, my own dear mother suffered thelong anguish of combination skin.

MARIA
I'm terribly sorry.

 

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