by

Gary Beck

 

     

Pre-show sound track – recorded sounds of warm-up rally. At curtain, official's preliminaries: linesman ready, players ready, play. Sound track of tennis match during the match. Mom and Dad are watching a match between their son and his opponent in a junior tournament.

DAD
Why didn't he rush the net? Goddammit! He oughta be putting those hangers away.

MOM
He was right to stay back. He's got to build sound ground strokes.

DAD
There you go again. As if I didn't know that! But if he hangs around the baseline all the time, he'll get to be one of them specialists, and they never make it big.

MOM
Borg did.

DAD
That was long ago and he was an exception. He was relentless on the court. He reminds me of this movie I saw once. It was a foreign picture in another language and I couldn't understand a word of it. It had English words at the bottom of the screen that didn't make much sense. It was real boring…

MOM
Then why tell me about it?

DAD
'Cause just as I was getting ready to walk out, this army started to march towards these other guys, who were waiting for them. They had these big old-fashioned guns with bayonets, and they were crossing a field to get at the other guys. These other guys were shooting the shit out of them, but they just kept coming. They didn't look around, they didn't look scared, and they didn't curse or yell or anything. They just kept getting closer. And when they got close enough for the other guys to see their faces, the other guys started running away, 'cause they knew these guys were animals and they were just gonna keep coming until they stuck their bayonets in them real deep. They were Swedes. Real brutes.

MOM
So what?

DAD
Borg's a Swede.

MOM
What does that have to do with anything?

DAD
I don't want my kid being an animal on the court.

MOM
You're the one who's always telling him that he's got to be a killer out there, or he won't get anywhere.

DAD
Sure he's got to be a killer. But not an animal.

MOM
What's the difference?

DAD
There's a big difference. A killer wants to win at all cost and does everything he can to beat his opponent. An animal won't stop until he grinds the other guy into the dust.

MOM
They sound exactly the same to me.

DAD
No. They don't.

MOM
Yes. They do.

DAD
Aw, you don't understand.

MOM
Then explain, Mister Tennis Expert.

DAD
There you go again.

MOM
What?

DAD
You know.

MOM
No, I don't.

DAD
Being sarcastic when I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you.

MOM
If you didn't yell all the time when I disagree with you I wouldn't be sarcastic.

DAD
Ha! You admit it.

MOM
What?

DAD
You insult me, instead of being reasonable.

MOM
I can't be reasonable with you. Every time I try, you either yell at me or call me names.

DAD
That's not true.

MOM
Yes, it is.

DAD
No. It's not, you dope.

MOM
See what I mean?

DAD
What?

MOM
Name calling, instead of discussing.

DAD
Aw, you twist everything around. I was just trying to make a point.

MOM
By insulting me?

DAD
I was talking about Junior's net game when you started this argument.

MOM
You mean I dared to ask a question?

DAD
It's how you ask it. You've always got an attitude.

MOM
I wonder who I got it from.

DAD
Well, you didn't get it from me. (He ignores her disbelieving stare.) Can we get back to Junior's game?

MOM
Yes. Can I ask a question?

DAD
Yeah.

MOM
Why do you think you know enough about tennis to coach Junior? You never played.

DAD
I watch it on TV all the time and I'm reading a strategy book.

MOM
If you're serious about his becoming a tournament player, shouldn't we get him lessons from a tennis pro?

DAD
I know enough to start him off. If it turns out he has talent and the will to win we'll get him some lessons.

MOM
Are you qualified to judge those things?

DAD
Why not? I'm as smart as the next guy.

MOM
Shouldn't a professional assess his potential?

DAD
I can do it.

MOM
Well, I guess there's no sense going further with that.

DAD
What does that mean?

MOM
Your mind is made up.

DAD
What's wrong with that?

MOM
Nothing if you know what you're doing.

DAD
Well, I do.

MOM
Did you ever ask Junior what he wants?

DAD
What would he know? He's only a kid.

MOM
It's his life you're deciding.

DAD
You're blowing this out of proportion.

MOM
Am I?

DAD
Yes. It's only a game.

MOM
But you behave like it's life or death.

DAD
It is, if you want to be a champion. You gotta steam roller anything that gets in your way. Crush it. Pound it into the ground…

MOM
Like an animal?

DAD
Whatever it takes.   ...aw, you know what I mean.

MOM
Yes. Now let's sit down with Junior tonight and find out what he wants to do.

DAD
Aw. Alright.

MOM
And don't try to influence him.

DAD
I wouldn't do that!

MOM (ignoring his indignant protest)
Then it's settled.

DAD
Yes, dear.

(End.)