My Wild Beast


Violetta Tarpinian


My wild beast is gone

she ran out of my house

out of the city

I don’t know where she is

I call for her with my deflated lungs

she does not answer me

I only hear a soft growling

and the echo of a snarl

from far away

One day she sat clawing

at my door demanding entrance –

always demanding –

the sound so razor sharp

it sent a thrill

down my spine

I let her in

and looked into her golden eyes

and at her tawny muzzle

and I knew I loved her

I let her rip my skin and flesh

till I lay bleeding

and waves of longing washed over me

we kissed and kissed

and rent my mouth a wound

that festered gloriously

oh she was so angry –

always angry –

so beautiful in her pacing

and her rage

She made me what I am

a carnivore of love

a blistering pride

that filled the house

with its devouring life

its visions and its tears

and gave me such exquisite pain

to which she would apply

a balm of mourning

And then I took the remedy

that heals by same with same

and she took to her heels

my chest constricted in one

last attack of panic

that I cried out my loss

"where are you

please don’t go!"

And I keep calling

into the ancient forests

into the deserts

to trees bent under wind

to stars that hang like icicles

from the black sky

and to the gibbous moon

she will not answer me

because now

I am tamed