After Godot
(A Short Comedy)
George Freek
THE CHARACTERS
VLADIMIR, An Actor
ESTRAGON, An Actor
LUCKY, A DirectorTHE PLACE
The stage of a Community TheatreTHE TIME
After a performance of WAITING FOR GODOT(The stage of a Community Theater following a performance of Beckett's
WAITING FOR GODOT. The audience has departed. However, the two
main actors are sitting on stage. They wear bowler hats. They are very depressed.
On the stage is a barren tree, which is the only piece of scenery in the play.
A long rope hangs from a branch of the tree, at the end of which is a noose)VLADIMIR
(Miserable, his head in his hands) That was a tragedy!ESTRAGON
(Philosophical) I think it's called a ‘tragi-comedy.'VLADIMIR
Well, our performance of it was a farce!ESTRAGON
I think it's called a turkey.VLADIMIR
I know, and you don't have to say it—ESTRAGON
I don't have to say what?VLADIMIR
That it was my fault!ESTRAGON
You just said it.VLADIMIR
OH GOD! Then you're saying it WAS my fault!ESTRAGON
I'm afraid I'm not good at lying just to cheer people up.VLADIMIR
And you're absolutely right. I messed up my lines.ESTRAGON
Well, try to look on the bright side. Those were the only lines the audience found funny.VLADIMIR
It wasn't supposed to be improv!ESTRAGON
It just seemed like it was.VLADIMIR
I really feel awful! (He chokes back sobs).ESTRAGON
For heaven's sake, don't whimper! I feel bad enough as it is!VLADIMIR
I'm sorry. (He rises from his chair and walks to the tree) What can I say? What can I do?ESTRAGON
Nothing!VLADIMIR
Well… You might try to cheer me up.ESTRAGON
I told you I'm no good at that.VLADIMIR
(On the verge of tears again) And why should you? I think I should just hang myself!ESTRAGON
No, you couldn't do that.VLADIMIR
(Challenging) What! You don't think I have the guts for it?ESTRAGON
No, I think the rope is too long.VLADIMIR
Thanks! (He puts the noose around his neck).ESTRAGON
Oh come on now, don't be a fool.VLADIMIR
Why not? I've already made a fool of myself once tonight.ESTRAGON
For heaven's sake, don't be silly. You know you don't mean that. For one thing, you have too much to live for—VLADIMIR
Tell me what. (A long pause) Well!ESTRAGON
I'm thinking, I'm thinking!VLADIMIR
That does it!ESTRAGON
All right, wait a minute! Listen… Think of your wife. Think of your two teenage children—VLADIMIR
God! Maybe I could make the rope shorter!ESTRAGON
Now stop it! You're really overreacting. For heaven's sake, so you forgot some lines, so you were lousy—VLADIMIR
Boy, you really aren't good at cheering a person up!ESTRAGON
But look… What difference does it make if you were terrible?VLADIMIR
That's easy for you to say!ESTRAGON
But my point is this. This is the… (Name of the theatre in which the play is being performed)… It's not exactly Broadway!VLADIMIR
I know that. But still… Don't you see! I let our audience down!ESTRAGON
(With a sweeping gesture) Those boors! What do they know?VLADIMIR
Still… We owe them something.ESTRAGON
Don't give me that rot!VLADIMIR
(He looks into the auditorium) Hm… You could be right.ESTRAGON
Anyway, you did your best, didn't you?VLADIMIR
I really hope not! I forgot my lines!ESTRAGON
Well, you gave your all, did you not?VLADIMIR
(Between a rock and a hard place) Um—ESTRAGON
What I am telling you, man, is that it wasn't your fault!VLADIMIR
It wasn't? You mean—ESTRAGON
Right! That is exactly what I mean!VLADIMIR
(Uncertain) So it was…ESTRAGON
The fault of the play!VLADIMIR
It was the play's fault?ESTRAGON
Now you're getting it.VLADIMIR
But, um… some people call it a masterpiece.ESTRAGON
They once said that about THE SILVER CORD.VLADIMIR
The… what?ESTRAGON
Exactly!VLADIMIR
So then you're saying it's… a FLAWED masterpiece?ESTRAGON
I'm saying it's a piece of crap!VLADIMIR
Whew! It's that bad?ESTRAGON
I'm being kind!VLADIMIR
I'm only curious, but… what's wrong with it?ESTRAGON
For one thing, nothing happens.VLADIMIR
(He thinks) You're right about that.ESTRAGON
And, therefore, it's too long.VLADIMIR
Well, I suppose it would be if nothing happens.ESTRAGON
It's WAY too long!VLADIMIR
You think it's a one-act play in two acts?ESTRAGON
I think it's a ten-minute play in two acts!VLADIMIR
(Getting into it) Yes, I see! Two VERY long acts!ESTRAGON
And then these costumes!VLADIMIR
Right! (He takes off his hat, throws it on the floor) I really hate these hats!ESTRAGON
Who wears them?VLADIMIR
(He jumps up and down on his hat) They're ridiculous!ESTRAGON
The entire thing is impossible to do!VLADIMIR
John Barrymore couldn't have pulled it off!ESTRAGON
ETHEL Barrymore couldn't have pulled it off!VLADIMIR
By God, you're right!ESTRAGON
Of course I'm right!VLADIMIR
I'm feeling a lot better!ESTRAGON
(He throws his hat away) I'm feeling pretty good myself.(And then LUCKY, the play's director, enters. She looks very dejected, indeed)
LUCKY
Dear God, what an unmitigated disaster!VLADIMIR
Oh… You mean—LUCKY
Now what do you think I mean, pinhead?VLADIMIR
Yes, right… but we were thinking… (He looks for help to ESTRAGON, who has, however, turned away, ignoring them both).LUCKY
Yes? What were you thinking?VLADIMIR
Well… We thought it might have been the play.LUCKY
The play!VLADIMIR
Maybe?LUCKY
That play is a masterpiece!VLADIMIR
Yes, of course, we all know that. It's just that… (He again appeals to ESTRAGON without success)LUCKY
It's just that… What!VLADIMIR
Well… maybe it's just… a little bit… too long?LUCKY
You think it's too long?VLADIMIR
Maybe… by… a minute or two?LUCKY
That play should be TWICE as long as it is! It should go on forever!VLADIMIR
(He glares at the silent ESTRAGON) Some people think it does!LUCKY
And some people forget their lines!VLADIMIR
I know, I know! I lost it! It's just that I was… confused… temporarily.LUCKY
They were your FIRST lines!VLADIMIR
Exactly! I wasn't warmed-up yet.LUCKY
You depress me!VLADIMIR
So what can I say! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!LUCKY
Well, I would hope so! Anyway, they're closing up. We have to leave here. Thank God!ESTRAGON
(Grandiosely, turning to her) We shall depart presently.LUCKY
(Ignores him, stares at VLADIMIR's hat) My God! What did you do to your hat!VLADIMIR
My hat! I… um… it fell off.LUCKY
You'll pay for that! (She storms angrily off).VLADIMIR
(Pause) You could have said something!ESTRAGON
Oh, now it's MY fault!VLADIMIR
No. No. I'm sorry.ESTRAGON
Oh, forget it. You've had a rather bad night.VLADIMIR
A RATHER bad night! (He walks to the tree again) God! What are we going to do!ESTRAGON
Now, now! I'll tell you what we do. We get up, and we go on. Tomorrow is another day!VLADIMIR
(Reluctantly) Yes, I suppose so.ESTRAGON
(Suddenly, with firm resolve) Of course it is! And that is exactly what we do!VLADIMIR
You know. Maybe you're right! (Firm) Yes! We get up, and we go on!
ESTRAGON
(Somewhat less resolve) We move on.VLADIMIR
(He sits down again) Yes… So… Shall we?ESTRAGON
Yes. Let's go. (They do not move, as the lights slowly fade to A BLACKOUT, and…)
THE PLAY IS OVER
